When we got back from vacation, I decided to start to do some work on my graphics and noticed that I was missing FOUR of my graphics/photo disks. I have absolutely no idea what happened to them, just that I can't find them!! lol!! The sad part is that in total if I was to estimate the total market value of them it is unbelieveable! I cried, I stomped and fretted, but there's nothing that I can do. One of them wasn't a big deal because it was a backup disk when our computer crashed of PSP tubes that I used to play with when I was learning how to play with my new program. My husband thinks that is one the disks that we had thrown away when the boys crushed it with the desk chair. The good news is most of the graphics that were on my original graphic disk are my name t-shirt graphics that are uploaded already to my t-shirt printer and my base graphics are backed up...sigh a breath of relief. I guess one would probably be initially worried about someone getting a hold of them, but I'm not. Working for a trademarking/copyright attorney was probably the best thing I could have ever done, because I protect every single one of my graphics, original writings, and designs which I encourage all starting graphic artists, writers, and designers to do. The point is, I got a little careless and should have had several copies of them like I've always done with my original photos!! I need to get a zip drive or portable drive....next major purchase on my business shopping list.
So that wasn't it...after that...I thought...oh man what about all of our videos that we've taken on the camcorder...I really need to get them put on DVDs!! So I pull out the camcorder...eagerly searching for Josiah's precious baby video. On this video we had baby Josiah about 10 months old in his crib raising his hand and saying "Paayyze Jesus!", as well as just after his birth, his first few months and the first time that his paternal grandfather met him. When Ray Sr. saw Raymond "Josiah" for the first time he cried tears of joy and that moment was all caught on tape now forever lost in erased video land. We had Josiah's first year on that tape and I was just dying to see all those short clips. So I start one of the videos and it's a tape of Brandon's football games a year ago...I run it forward to the end of the games and see this clip of the boys playing with leaves in our first house here that we were renting. Josiah is about 18 months or so in this video. Then it totally hits me....oh my goodness we taped over it!!! Not to mention the fact that I still can't find the video of Hannah's Front Street show either and I'm thinking that became a victim too!! Well I remembered, right about the time Brandon had football I was trying to figure out how to get the videos to the computer and had re-wound the tape and probably had it either in the bag or in the camera itself and well...you know the rest of the story. So in researching this week, just found out there is a little red tab thing that you click over and it prevents it from being recorded over!! Oh Gee where was that article almost two years ago.
Well the thing is...a tape is a tape and a graphic cd is a graphic cd. They have no life they have no spirit and they are just man-made things that will eventually turn to rubble, break or get lost...by a very disorganized mom!! I have the memories hidden in my heart and I plan to write a book (and hoping to recruit the hubby) for each of my children with all the special memories that I have of them and putting their pictures in them for them to keep. I am hoping that these memories in my words (and hopefully their dad's) will be something more significant that 50 short clips of their childhood. I know I have video clips of me as a very young child that were taken by my grandfather, but the memories that I have hidden in my heart, are 10 times more significant that the videos.
God has a video camera in his heart that he takes "videos" of everything I've said, done, and thought. They are forever transcribed into the Book of Life. He knows what you've done...good or bad. He knows every good and hurtful thing you have done to others. He knows every word you've said and every lie you have told, EVERYTHING!! It's kind of like a scrapbook or a baby book that a mother keeps of her children's milestones, except God does a better job and he does it for all his children from birth-death. When I think about that, I want to be more careful about what I say and what I do. It's also like a surveillance camera that can't be obstructed or shut down and sees EVERYWHERE!!
I want to spend more time with my husband and children, rather than sitting in front of a computer wasting time on message boards and networking sites. While I still need to design graphics and clothing, I still want to make sure that I give my husband and each of the boys a special moment alone every day.
This morning Josiah crawled up on the couch and snuggled me. I kissed him on the forehead and he kissed me back and said "I love you mommy! You are the best mommy ever!" I melted and my anger about the lost video subsided because I had the present and the future of this little boy to look forward to! Tonight rather than sit and finish a client order, I grabbed the big stack of books my four year old brought to me and read them all to him. When my seven year old needed help on something I immediately stopped what I was doing and took the time to help him rather than make him wait until I finished what I was doing. I took the time to pack a lunch for my hubby, chat with him and give him a huge hug as he headed out the door for work. THESE are the memories I want in my children's "mommy scrapbook" and God's Book of Life.
I don't want to be remembered as the mom who sits in front of the computer designing graphic after graphic, or networking, or crocheting. I want to be the mom who read that book, played that game, or sang that song with my child. They grow up way to fast and it just seems like yesterday that I was pregnant with Jonathan...working my last few weeks of the job...wondering what staying at home with my children would be like. God has truthfully blessed Ray and I and even though things are very tough for us right now, he gives us signs every day that we are special in his heart and that he will take care of us!! What is going to be on your "Life Video" when you die?